Boobgeosiessie.
Dear Constellation of Sparkles:
Today I joined the real bourgeoisie. First of all, as an English teacher I have great trouble even spelling bourgeoisie when I’m sober. Did I mention that I’m not sober. Ok fine. Now, today I left the bourariogsie. Why? Because today I bought an air conditioner. At first it was difficult to accept. I’m like, fuuuuhck, I am this fat pig and my aparment is comfortable, like, I am so lame! You know, the Europeans don’t need air conditioning! Me dumb American! But what about those 15,000 dead French people in that heat wave a couple years ago? Well, I guess they weren’t air conditioned.
And it was difficult to keep a secret. In shame, I hurried the AC home. I called Java Car and they picked me up from the Polish appliance store where a man with a memorable birthmark sold me a unit. Once I got back to my apartment, three and a half blocks away, I saw my landlady’s mother out front in a silk blouse. Her trademark is to have five different colors of hair at all times and be over 80 years old, simultaneously.
Anyway she saw me, climbing out of a cab, with an 86 pound box, which was actually an airconditioner. This made her nervous and hold the door for me. I hate when old women hold the door for me! What if I took too long? What if I carried in something disreputable? Ugh!
Then! After I got to the top of the stairs, I saw my two neighbors who live above me. They were looking all sporty ‘n’ shit with their yoga mats over their shoulders n shit and I’m all sweaty and CRAZY looking cuz I’ve just been running around price comparing different AC UNITS on a 100 degree day. I”M LIKE hey I just broke down! I bought an air conditioner! And they’re like OH FUCK! I’m LIKE YEAH! I KNOW WHAT THE HELL. AND THEN THEYRE LIIIIIKE WE ARE TOTALLY LATE FOR YOGGGGA SORRY GOTTA GOOOO. And so I chucked that thing into my house.
Long story short, the instructions for the UNIT were extremely obstruse and I was very upset at the person who was getting paid TOP DOLLAR to write horrible TECHNICAL WRITING about how to install an air conditioner. I MEAN goddam the thing weighs 86 pounds and I could’ve dropped it out of the window onto the the landlady’s head. But somehow I secured it in the window and fastforward one of the knobs already broke off. But that is a different story, my friends. I have now joined the bioursougiesies so you can just kiss it.
Signing off for Sparkle Blog. Ciao ciao.
Love,
Thunder Purse
