Would you rather be a heat wave or a cheat wave?
Dear Sparkle Mag:
In Brooklyn, official news wires say that this is a heatwave. My body is a soup that is cooking in itself. I have taken four showers today. I am so disgusting that I have eaten four meals off of my left arm, accidentally. The night sky is like a hot obese belly that is smothering me. I think like four ladies in Queens have died. Central Park is on fire. Weathermen are calling their grandmas and saying goodbye. Clouds are bursting into fire and dropping the remains on dogs. Bridges are falling into the boiling oceans. If you buy a popsicle you’re going to get ripped off because it has already melted. If you’re a snowman you don’t exist. Today I broke down and used deodorant that has aluminum in it. Everyone is playing the game where you put ice cubes in your pants and losing. If I had only one Magic: The Gathering card, it would be Circle of Protection: Red and I’d stock up all of my red mana.
Have a good life, heatwavers.
Love,
The Red Crystal
