My Gay Virginity
Growing up in a small very closed minded town, I never ventured into showing off my homosexual tendencies until I reached college. It was during my first semester that I was introduced to the world of online chatting, connecting with individuals who are also gay, which my closeted mined was completely baffled over and very intrigued.
The first person I had sex with I had chatted with on an online chat site. We met at his place, hung out. He gave me alcohol (being under the legal age), we had sex. I fell for him, as people tend to do with the first person they have sex with. And, as many guys on the opposite side of the spectrum do, he shot me down and then some.
I found out he does porn, had a sugar daddy. He most likely was an escort. He did a porno with his roommate shortly after. Heart broken and a little annoyed that he had sex with his roommate, not understanding the life of a porn star I moved on and concentrated on academics not dating for a few years. Before we went our separate ways he told me this ”You know, you could do porn, but you need to cut your hair and lose 20lbs.” Maybe this is why I had an eating disorder for a good portion of my 20’s.
Flash forward a couple years… One Saturday evening in August, after severing a relationship with a guy who fell off the bandwagon for an alphabet of substances as well as alcohol, and realizing that my Balchor’s Degree served me no purpose whatsoever, I went to a popular homosexual night club in town. Depressed as all fuck and drinking Jack Daniels and Coke I went outside to have a smokey treat.
While outside of the club I was chatting with some people, out of the corner of my eye I saw this guy walk up to the club, it happened to be the guy who I gay my gay virginity to. He walked past me, turned around and said the following:
“I know you don’t I? You look very familiar.”
“Yeah you do. I used to hang out at your house a with your roommate Dwayne a few years back.”
“Ok. I live in Arizona now, just visiting friends here. I need a cocktail, gotta go.”
Even more depressed that I was prior to this conversational exchange and on the verge of tears, I stumbled home and went to bed.
Has this experience losing my gay virginity made me a stronger individual? Have I been able to scope out bullshit quicker than my friends? Has this made me a jaded gay at an earlier age than most? I am not sure about any of this questions, all I know is that it has made me who I am today for better or worse.
Respectfully,
the 20 something gay
